Eddie Izzard Quotes

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

Your eyes flashed fire into my soul. I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx, and in the words of Albert Schweitzer, I FANCY YOU!

They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I bought them.

You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for f-k all! Yes, all they did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard.