Jack Benny Quotes

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Modesty is my best quality.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.