Best Quotes by Jackie Mason (Top 7)

  1. Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
  2. It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
  3. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
  4. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
  5. It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.
  6. Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?
  7. By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?