Best Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld (Top 10)

  1. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
  2. Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
  3. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
  4. A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
  5. There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
  6. According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
  7. The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. "˜Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off, I've got the toe clippers right here.
  8. A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
  9. Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
  10. It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

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