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Joan Rivers Quotes
Best Quotes by Joan Rivers (Top 10)
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers -
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers -
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers -
It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.
Joan Rivers -
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'
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I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Joan Rivers
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Joan Rivers -
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers -
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.
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My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
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I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers -
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers