Lily Tomlin Quotes

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

We're all in this alone.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

After all, in private, we're all misfits

Remember we're all in this alone.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining.

We are all in this together, by ourselves.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

To me, "sexual freedom" means freedom from having to have sex.

There will be sex after death, we just won't be able to feel it.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.