Milton Berle Quotes

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!