Robert Orben Quotes

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

A compliment is verbal sunshine

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

If you can laugh together, you can work together.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.