Best Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield (Top 10)
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife and I were happy for twenty year. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield