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W. C. Fields Quotes
Best Quotes by W. C. Fields (Top 10)
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
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I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
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Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
W. C. Fields