Will Rogers Quotes

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.

The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

You know, everybody's ignorant, just on different subjects.

You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

Lord, let me live until I die.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

you can't say civilization dont advance, in every war they kill you in a new way

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.

You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.

Things ain't what they used to be and never were.

A man that don't love a horse, there is something the matter with him.

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.

People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.

I'm not a member of an organized party. I'm a Democrat.

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.

Successful colleges will start laying plans for a new stadium; unsuccessful ones will start hunting a new coach

If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.

Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.

Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.

I belong to no organized political body. I am a Democrat.

So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the familiy parrotto the town gossip

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like.

The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.

You've got to be (an) optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one

Communism is like prohibition, it is a good idea, but it won't work.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?

We have the best Congress that money can buy.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.

If any of us had a child that we thought was as bad as we know we are, we would have cause to start to worry.

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.

More men have been elected between Sundown and Sunup than ever were elected between Sunup and Sundown.

America is a great country, but you can't live in it for nothing.

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter — he's got to just know.

I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his money.

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

Politics is not worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space.

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails

The Republicans have their splits right after election and Democrats have theirs just before an election.

I traveled a good deal all over the world, and I got along pretty good in all these foreign countries, for I have a theory that it's their country and they got a right to run it like they want to.