Lewis Grizzard Quotes

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.