Bennett Cerf Quotes

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.

The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.

For me, a hearty 'belly laugh' is one of the beautiful sounds in the world.

They tell about a fifteen-year-old boy in an orphans' home who had an incurable stutter. One Sunday the minister was detained and the boy volunteered to say the prayer in his stead. He did it perfectly, too, without a single stutter. Later he explained, "I don't stutter when I talk to God. He loves me."

The Atomic Age is here to stay - but are we?

A pat on the back, through only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants, is miles ahead in results.

Censor: A self-appointed snoophound who sticks his nose in other people's business.