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Bill Maher Quotes
Best Quotes by Bill Maher (Top 10)
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.
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Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.
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Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
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Kids. They're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for having sex.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I Agree'.
Bill Maher
More Bill Maher Quotes
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The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
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NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new study has shown that half of American high schools agree that newspapers should only be able to publish government-approved material. Almost one out of five said people should not be allowed to voice unpopular opinions..This is the first generation after September 11th, who discovered news during a 'watch what you say' administration...George W. Bush once asked, 'is our children learning.' No, they isn't. A better question would be, 'is our teacher's teaching?
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The real axis of evil in America is the genius of our marketing and the gullibility of our people.
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To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
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Over the last 30 odd years, Democrats have moved to the right and the right has moved into the mental hospital. So what we have is one perfectly good party for hedge fund managers, credit card companies, banks, defense contractors, big agriculture and the pharmaceutical lobby... That's the Democrats. And they sit across the aisle from a small group of religious lunatics, flat-earthers and civil war re-enactors who mostly communicate by AM radio and call themselves the Republicans and who actually worry that Obama is a socialist. Socialist? He's not even a liberal.
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.
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Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.
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Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the 'will of the people' goes out the window.
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In New York now, they have Harvey Milk High School for gay students. They don't have much of a football team, but the half-time show . . .
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.
Bill Maher