Best Quotes by Henny Youngman (Top 10)
-
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
Henny Youngman
-
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Henny Youngman
-
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
-
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
-
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
-
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman
-
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Henny Youngman
-
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman
-
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
-
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
More Henny Youngman Quotes
-
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
-
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
-
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
Henny Youngman