Ogden Nash Quotes

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

Parsley is gharsley

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

If called by a panther, don't anther.

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.

Middle age ends and senescence begins, the day your descendant's outnumber your friends.

I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

In the world of mules there are no rules.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

Nobody agrees with anybody else anyhow, but adults conceal it and infants show it.

Poets arent very usefulBecause they aren't consumeful or produceful..

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon. Let others say his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig.

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.

Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

Daybreak is one of the greatest disadvantages of living under the solar system: It means having to get up almost the very minute you go to bed, And bathe and shave and scrub industriously at your molar system And catch a train and go to the office an

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.

Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.