Scott Adams Quotes

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster.

There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

The only risk of failure is promotion.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.

There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as "nutty methods." Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.

And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

I'm slowly becoming a convert to the principle that you can't motivate people to do things, you can only demotivate them. The primary job of the manager is not to empower but to remove obstacles.

No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.

There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft.